Embrace
by Authoress Tams
Summary: The Wolf Princess knows battle, brothers, and blood. But she has never known the embrace of a human. - OLD -


****

AN: I've been wanting to write a Mononoke fic for a while, so here it is. This is written from San's point of view. So, I don't own this wonderful movie, and I don't own the dialogue, it's © by Hayao Miyazaki (the genius) and the rest of Studio Ghibli.) 

****

Embrace

I wanted to kill him. Him and that woman. All of those humans. I despise them.

They're horrid, evil creatures, with no respect for anything that lives, except for themselves. They have not one shred of regret for what they've done to the forest and its creatures. My family.

My home.

For so many years, ever since I was old enough to recognize my mother, I have been taught to fight back. To learn the way of the forest and to protect it from my enemies—the humans. Many times, I have come close to finally killing the woman who leads them in destroying everything. I have come so close!

And then **he** came along. So high and mighty, acting as though he can change the world. Trying to disrupt my plans, getting involved in everything.

He can't change what they've done. Oh, no. He's with them…he's one of them, he belongs with the filthy humans. 

I wanted them all to leave my family, my home, in peace. I wouldn't hesitate to tear the flesh from that damn gunwoman's bones and leave her to be prey for the creatures here. The nerve of them all…!! Destroying and defiling all that's dear to me without a single thought. 

How could they?!

I gave as much of what was in me as I could today. The battle raging between the boars and the humans was more intense than what I had ever imagined. I wanted to help the boars. I wanted to be Lord Okkoto's guide…to be his eyes in the distant, invisible world he was fighting for.

I could not even see him myself. From atop the racing paws of my brother, I felt as though I could conquer them all. Until we reached them.

I had never seen anything so horrifying before…the boars rushed on with no fear. They rampaged throughout the site, ripping and biting the flesh of men. 

The humans fought back with as much energy as their foes. Their metal weapons flashed and shattered the skin of the boars…their guns bit the ground in torrents of fire and dust…blood mingled with the boars' war paint against their matted fur…

It was a nightmare that I somehow did not want to escape. I kept moving, swiping at the humans as my brother rode past them. I felt no shame as my spear struck them, no remorse as I wrenched my knife from their hearts. I nearly lost my sight when something exploded in my face. I was filled with more anger and hatred than I could bear. Almost.

Yet I gripped my knife and tore through them. After the battle, I was flecked with the mixed blood of the humans and the boars.

I felt something menacing come towards me, slowly, as I helped Okkoto to the Realm of the Forest Spirit. There was something I could not see. I made me more afraid of the humans than angry at them. It was brief, but terrifying.

The same hatred came again when the humans tried to trick Okkoto with their awful disguises to hide their scent. I slashed at them to keep them from the Boar God.

But I could not protect him.

I was pulled into the consuming fire that was eating away at Okkoto as he began to transform into a demon. For what seemed like an eternity, I thought I would never see the light of day again. The fire was taking me.

Until he came. 

"San!"

I heard Ashitaka's voice.

"San, are you there?? It's me, Ashitaka! San!"

__

That was the moment I truly needed him. He fought himself through the demonic mess to find me. I could hear him calling my name, and he sounded desperate to see me. Strong hands pulled me slightly from the demon marks clutching at me, and I was surprised to see him holding on for me. "Ashitaka?"

__

The raging Okkoto shook him off, and I tried desperately to grasp his hand again, but he flew backwards into the lake. And then everything went black. 

I was unconscious for an unknown amount of time. The fire burning my skin was cooled when I felt icy water rushing around me, wonderful, cool water. 

But when I opened my eyes, my hope was lost. The Forest Spirit's head had been severed.

How could there be any salvation for us now?

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I tore the crystal dagger from my neck as Ashitaka towed the gunwoman onto the island, where my brothers and I waited. Ashitaka and the gunwoman's henchman began to wrap her in a cloth. Her arm was gone.

I bared my teeth as they fussed over her, but the crashing of trees caught my eye as the three of us stared in horror at the destruction being wrought by the once-peaceful Forest Spirit.

"He's looking for his head…we can't stay here," said Ashitaka breathlessly, and he turned to me abruptly. "San, you have got to help us."

__

I gripped the tiny dagger in my hand and stepped back from him. "No! You're on their side, you always were. Take that woman and just go away!" I hated him for trying to bring me to their side, for helping out that damn woman and the rest of them.

He hesitated, looking taken aback, and the trees continued to fall to the ground behind him. "San…"

"Never! I hate all of you humans!" I spat savagely. Why couldn't he just do it himself? I would save the forest all on my own! What could he care??

"Yes, I'm human, San," he began to walk towards me again with a softly determined expression. "And…so are you."

Those words shook me, and I began to retreat backwards as he approached me. How dare he say those things to me. He knew nothing of it. Damn him…he knew **nothing**! "Stop it, I'm a wolf, you hear!?"

He paused only slightly and did not answer, but he did not stop coming towards me. His arms were outstretched, and he was close. Too close. "Stay BACK!"

In one swift motion, I had embedded the small dagger into his chest. It could not have been too damaging to him on account of it's size, but a trickle of blood ran down from the wound. I was shocked. I couldn't move. Suddenly, Ashitaka had taken hold of me and held me close. I remained rooted to the spot.

The forest was crashing to the ground all around us…the tiny kodama were falling from the trees…the death-like Forest Spirit was stretching through the trees…and all the while I remained where I stood, wrapped up in Ashitaka's arms, frozen.

It was…different. 

All my life, I had been raised by the Wolf Clan. I had grown up amongst gods, beasts, and creatures of the forest. I emerged as a grown girl who had spent her life with creatures that were family to me, but game to the humans. I had ridden the backs of my wolf brothers and slept against my mother's side, a wall of fur that could keep me warm at night.

Never before had I known the embrace of the humans. Never before had I felt human arms around me. I didn't know the feeling of hugging something that was just like me.

I pressed my arms together and blinked tears away from my eyes. "It's over," I whispered. "Everything's over. The forest is dead." I buried my head in his chest as he held me closer, as though determined to never let me go. It was a strange feeling. I had always felt secure when encased in a blanket of fur, sleeping by my mother and brothers, but…

This…this was different. It was safe…warm…and comfortable. I could feel soft breathing against my shoulder. I didn't know that being so close to a human was so soothing. What was this? 

My vision began to blur through my tears. My mother was dead. The forest was being destroyed. Everything in my world was coming down into pieces around me. And in that one instant, I felt relieved when wrapped into Ashitaka's arms. He was my enemy. It was wrong. 

But it was more sheltered than I had ever been in the company of my family. This was something new. This was something I did not know. He was so gentle, and as much as it calmed me, it hurt to know that I was betraying my family, everything I stood for and believed in, everything I fought for…all for the serenity of his touch. There was nothing else I could do but press against him and hide from the thrashing wind and fallen trees.

When Ashitaka began to speak, I wiped my eyes quickly and looked up to catch his words. "…It's not over yet. The two of us are still alive." He still held my arms, firmly keeping hold of me, but still in that strange, gentle way of his. "Now, will you help me, San?" I looked straight into his eyes—genuinely caring, docile…human eyes. They looked like mine.

I felt as though I could stand again. 

End.


End file.
